STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize