he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
