If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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