he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
