Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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