Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
