i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
