the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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