I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I had to cum in my sink.
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