So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
