is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
