im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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