Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
