we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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