What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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