What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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