Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
