so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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