Hey man sorry I got all grabby
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
