Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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