i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
