I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
