Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
