lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Randomize
