Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
he thought i was a dude.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
