Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
