so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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