I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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