My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
