she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
