so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
you never un-have a 4some
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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