There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
