TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
