were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I looked at my own cervix.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Operation Purity has been aborted
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
