Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
