Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
this hospital has no fireball
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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