I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
