No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
