Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
