3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
