You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
