I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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