Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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