Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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