It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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