just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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