if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
