god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
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