I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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