Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I supernannyed him into submission
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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