He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
