tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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