i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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