I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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