when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
