how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
