I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize