Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
