im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
