i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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