woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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