If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
