is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
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