Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Randomize
