where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
