Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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