i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize
