i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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