why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
