So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize
