GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
