So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
