its not stalking. its research.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
