Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
