I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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