i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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