And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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