I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
