I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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