Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
