What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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