then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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