end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
