Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
