Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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