Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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