sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
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