Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
