So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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