Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
