Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
