IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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