i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
