He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
