Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
