Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
