just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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