What a fucking waste of an outfit
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
