There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Found the puke drawer
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
