he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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