Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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