Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
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