I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize