Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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